eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
