so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
