so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
