my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
farters have to be the big spoon...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
