I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
