this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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