If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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