also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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