walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
ttyl tear gas
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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