Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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