Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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