he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
