3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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