he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
