The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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