Betty ford says i'm here all night
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
