it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
