Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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