i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize