The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I need water and some morals
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
