She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
soo... how was my night?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize