You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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