omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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