I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
