when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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