okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
