sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
