You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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