are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
