i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
