I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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