Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
