Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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