i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
