why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
