GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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