do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
