I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
