if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
