"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
