i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
