I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
