I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
