im six kinds of drunk right now
He uses pillows to masturbate.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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