I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
