I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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