i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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