I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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