I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
