I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
