did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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