I will die if light touches me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
