i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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