Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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