i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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