Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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