Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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