Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
