the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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