i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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