Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I haven't been this sober since birth.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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