Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
