She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
