i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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