doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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