The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
