the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
