May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
