You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
