Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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